I'm on so late I'm definitely the last seconds of anyone's attention. So I just want to give them something dumb to laugh at, so they go, 'That's funny,' then fall asleep. Use this quote
I guess when I think about it, one of the things I like to dramatise, and what is sometimes funny, is someone coming unglued. I don't consider myself someone who is making the argument that I support these choices. I just think it can be funny. Use this quote
Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself. Use this quote
It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.' Use this quote
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from. Use this quote
Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn. Use this quote
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. Use this quote
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. Use this quote
The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love. Use this quote
If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress. Use this quote
I have funny bones. If there's ever any kind of tension, I'll always be the one to try and be funny to loosen things up. Use this quote
The parrot's so funny. He imitates me and I don't even realize he's doing it. I'm walking around the house talking to myself and whistling and the next day he's said something I've said... it's scary you know? Use this quote
It's funny, though, because when I first started going to races after we met, I was extremely nervous. It's like being backstage and hoping you don't trip over something or break an amp or accidentally speak into a live microphone, so I was really hesitant. Use this quote
When we criticize in Iran the actions of the government, the fundamentalists say that we and the Bush Administration are in the same camp. The funny thing is that human rights activists and Mr. Bush can never be situated in the same group. Use this quote
I always approach comedy roles pretending they aren't funny. Use this quote
One lion thinks it's just hilarious to tackle us. He's very funny about it... and we always know when it will happen. Use this quote
When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine. Use this quote
Japanese people have a funny habit of abbreviating names. Use this quote
It was kind of scary because working with Woody Allen becomes sort of a big deal in your mind. He directs in that Woody Allen character some of the time - he has these idiosyncrasies that are really charming and funny. Use this quote
Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you're interested in being funny, New York is the place to go. Use this quote
