Famous Quotes: Funny

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
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I auditioned for a solo in church and got it. I was about seven and I sang a song called, 'Jesus, I Heard You Had a Big House' and I remember people standing up at the end and me thinking, 'Oh, I think I'm going to like this.' That's how it all began. Sounds funny to say you got your start in church, but I did.
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Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn.
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I think serial monogamy says it all.
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People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.
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I like funny guys and those, for some reason, tend to be nerdy guys.
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I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.
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I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.
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It's a funny show. The characters are surprisingly likable, given how ugly they are. We've got this huge cast of characters that we can move around. And over the last few seasons, we've explored some of the secondary characters' personal lives a bit more.
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And at the time, it is funny how you can look at something and say, for example with my shoulder injury, when it first happened I said this is the worst thing that could happen to me. Why me, why now? Now I look back and say it was probably the best thing that happened to me.
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Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers... for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.
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Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
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Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not.
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If I'm in something funny, I like to try and find some kind of serious line in it that people can relate to.
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It's funny. When I saw the script in my inbox and it said 'Sparkle,' I thought, 'For real? It's really called 'Sparkle?'' I was wondering, too, how does 'Jordin Sparks as Sparkle' sound?
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
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I think I have an inner confidence that my tastes are pretty simple, that what I find funny finds a wide audience. I'm not particularly intellectual or clever or minority-focused in my creative instincts. And I'm certainly not aware of suppressing more sophisticated ambitions.
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A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters.
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Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
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