Yes, I believe blue material is funny, but if that's all you've got, you're dead in the water. It's not good. Use this quote
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. Use this quote
I am a very open person, and I'm always nervous of being misconstrued. Sitting in the middle of a restaurant makes me nervous. I feel like I'm being judged. And it's funny that I should feel that way. Use this quote
All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me. Use this quote
I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. Use this quote
Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself. Use this quote
Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix? Use this quote
One time I went into a restroom and a girl followed me in. I signed an autograph for her in the sink. It was pretty funny because she was in a guy's restroom and she wasn't embarrassed at all. Use this quote
It's funny how the music industry is enraged about the Internet and the way things are copied without being paid for. But you know why people steal the music? Because they can't afford the music. Use this quote
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Use this quote
There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap. Use this quote
I never said most of the things I said. Use this quote
Writing for young children I find I often use particular jokes with words and exaggerated, funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex stories for older children too. Use this quote
It's funny, I never considered that people are going to see me on the show and maybe stop me on the subway. Use this quote
We live in a funny time. If you don't go corporate, you can't compete. You're relegated as irrelevant. People used to admire that. Use this quote
He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be. Use this quote
To me, I've never understood why there is any question about are women as funny as men. Use this quote
We've seen some insane signs: 'Is that a loaf of bread in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?' Funny stuff along those lines. Very original. One just said, 'I will do unspeakable things.' I thought that was very interesting - and mildly terrifying! Use this quote
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. Use this quote
I really wanted to just be a musician. I didn't want to be anything else, but I was funny and all that. Use this quote
