Demetri Evan Martin (born May 25, 1973) is an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer and humorist.
I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.' Use this quote
And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money. Use this quote
I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes. Use this quote
Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable; that's survival. Use this quote
I like women, but you can't always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dog's name and then I asked, 'Does he bite?' and she said, 'No.' And I said, 'So how does he eat?' Liar! Use this quote
If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half. Use this quote
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Use this quote
I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs. Use this quote
