Demetri Evan Martin (born May 25, 1973) is an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer and humorist.
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it. Use this quote
People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy. Use this quote
But what I was going to say was, I just figured I'm going to go boldly in the direction of my dreams, say it as Thoreau would say, and just see where it takes me. Use this quote
I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable. Use this quote
But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom. Use this quote
I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.' Use this quote
If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat! Use this quote
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly. Use this quote
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. Use this quote
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming. Use this quote
